A close friend of mine recently shared his story with me. Without going into the details, I’ll just tell you that he had a harmonious relationship with his wife where everything was going well. They shared mutual love, but her wife soon took the relationship in a direction where they started having fights and arguments every other day. It surged so high that they reached the end very soon.
To make you understand the psychology behind such relationships, let me give you an example of my friend’s behavior. He is a genuine young, energetic guy but extremely emotional. He holds back grudges, hurt, pain, sorrow and everything negative inside him. He says he doesn’t like to share it with the world, and he wants to stay clam and collected in front of people who are not close to him.
That is quite okay when it is his personal choice and when he knows he can handle his pains well. However, since he had a loving wife who always gave him an ear and a shoulder to lean on, he started sharing his bruises and sorrows with her. His dealings with people happened in a way that he was back-stabbed many times. You all must have experienced how some people can take advantage of your emotions and hit your weak points. He experienced it too but never gave back to their merciless ways or cut ties with them.
Now, he kept on collecting all the venom from his surroundings but still acted nice on the outside. However, after a point, the venom started overflowing, and he needed to vent it out. Psychology calls it the displacement reaction. As you take out someone else’s anger on a third person, you also take out your negative emotions on a third person in situations like these. While he thought he was taking a positive way to keep crying in front of his wife who was always there for him, he didn’t know it was not.
Let me tell you why. When you keep spilling out the venom on your loved ones in order to feel good inside, you feel good inside! You displace whatever eats you inside. However, you are throwing it out to the person who is positive enough to absorb it. Once you make it a habit, you keep feeling better and better and better, as you have a place where you can dump everything you don’t like. On the other hand, your loved one keeps receiving your dump and keeps gathering negativity and negativity and negativity that you’re passing on unknowingly and they’re collecting unknowingly.
Is it a healthy way to live your life and a healthy way to let your loved ones live theirs? They are there to support you at times when you feel very low in life and not to take your venom on an everyday basis. Once you do that, you keep transferring your negative energy to them and making them feel negative about you. Imagine if you had to do the same for your partner, won’t you get tired after a time? Won’t you ask them to be strong and handle their troubles on their own if they have the habit to attract such troubles every other day?
No, you won’t, especially when you’re trying to be a good partner. That’s what my friend’s wife had been doing…being a good partner! In the process, she was getting venomous, which later started reflecting in her argumentative behavior. Just like her husband, her inside was also filled with negativity that came from him only. The mere difference was that her husband had someone to transfer it to, while she had no one!
(Learn from it and pass it on. If you are like my friend, be strong enough to take care of yourself and your loved ones. Learn to deal with pressures of life and negative energy inside you. They are a part of every human’s life. Don’t cry about them. If you are like my friend’s wife, make your loved one aware when you feel strained. Move away from endless toxicity and let them deal with it. Teach them how to be stronger to face toxicity, as you can obviously do better than them. Have a happy, positive life with the ones you care about and the ones who care for you!)
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